i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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