her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
