pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Randomize
