i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
