90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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