Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
