I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You were trust falling into bushes
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize