Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Did I show you my penis last night?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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