My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
