I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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