when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
There's always time for handjobs
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
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