Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
