I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Randomize
