Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
