Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
