New invention idea: vibrating tampons
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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