I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
is that a dick in a sweater?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
