I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
