so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
