Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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