I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
