I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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