chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
