we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
