my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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