also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
