I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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