My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
It's shark week go big or go home
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
