And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
