She tied me up with her honor cords...
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize