I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
