come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
babies were throwing up all over the place
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
