I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
My feet surprised me
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