Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
