Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
