I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
