Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
