I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
