if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
