if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
