so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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