I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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