whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
