The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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