her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
