pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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