Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
