was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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