dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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