his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize