WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
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