Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
