Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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