I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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