Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
there was a trapeze. enough said
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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