i may or may not be watching the land before time
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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