Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
