I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
