that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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