Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
