Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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