Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
