you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
