I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
