My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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