i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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