roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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