I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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