this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize