I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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