sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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