I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
