she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
