Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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