He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
