You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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