I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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