I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
