I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
