why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I am spending my child support on dildos
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
