the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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