so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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