Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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