NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
