In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
