Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
