where does the pee come out of this thing
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize