If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
