i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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