yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
