I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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