Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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