naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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