thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
