Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
