Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
