Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize