DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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