I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
