i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
time to smoke my breakfast
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
